Living Single and Loving it!
Stop dreading singleness and choose to love being single. Learn why relationship status doesn’t play into happiness and how to recalibrate your mindset with these tips.
Unhappy and single is a mindset issue.
This Valentine’s day, whether you are newly single, or frustrated at your ongoing single status, embrace flying solo. It could be one of the happiest times of your life.
Especially around valentine’s day, our culture likes to fantasize about being in love and in a relationship. Hollywood tells us we need another person to “complete” us- the other half of our whole. Culture acts like being single must be sad. None of this is good, true, or healthy. Singleness is a time of growth and sanctuary- if you let it be so!
Whether you want to get married or not, use this time of singleness wisely. Here are some tips to living single and love it:
When you are frustrated or lonely: Get off social and dating apps.
“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Philippians 4:12-13
Despite their popularity, dating apps bring with them a whole host of mental health concerns. People who use these apps are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and body issues than those who don’t.
In addition to being highly addictive, studies show that people most active on social media are 3x more likely to feel lonely. c
Do yourself a favor and take a break or ditch the dating apps until you can use them without sacrificing your mental health.
Cultivate Gratitude
I know this sounds cliché, but if you can’t find contentment now in your life you will not be content in a relationship or marriage. Gratitude opens the door to contentment by forcing you to focus on the good things you already have regardless of your circumstances.
If you want more guidance on this- check out our blog post on journaling, there is a whole section on gratitude.
Have fun
Live life to its fullest, pursue your passions, get out of the house, be active in the community, travel- just live. Don’t get caught up waiting to live until you reach a specific set of predetermined circumstances.
You can read more about finding and pursuing your passion in our blog post Finding (and living!) your why.
Friendship is a slow ripening fruit.
Aristotle
Strengthen other relationships
Take this time to build up those non-dating relationships. You will always need family and friends in your life. The close friendships that stick with you are hard to find and cultivate- but so worth the effort.
Learn to be a good steward of you, your finances, your home, time, etc.
Money is the leading cause of stress in a relationship. You will probably encounter financial stress at some point in a future relationship. Having your finances under control now will provide a healthy starting point that could minimize the financial stress later on.
Being a good steward of you is more than just money- use this time to work on growing yourself and processing your own hurts and baggage in healthy ways.
Don’t rush love
I’m sure you have heard this, but why shouldn’t you rush love? When you are content being single, you are far less likely to settle and end up in an unhealthy relationship.
Let’s look at some statistics about settling:
- People are more likely to divorce the younger they were when they got married or if they moved in with their future spouse. a
- People who wait to marry or cohabitate until they are over the age of 23 are less likely to get divorced. a
- Girls and young women between ages of 16-24 experience intimate partner violence at a rate that is almost triple the national avg. b
Loving your single life gives you bravery to draw healthy boundaries in a relationship
Spend time loving your current situation and building your self-confidence! Insecurity tells you to accept the first person who will “love” you even if that person disrespects or abuses you. Having a life that you love, one that you aren’t afraid to fall back on, helps you have bravery to draw healthy boundaries in a relationship. You are wonderfully made and deserve to have higher standards. Respect yourself enough to wait until you are ready for them and they for you.
Learn to be a whole person
Being single is NOT about searching for your other half or someone to complete you; it’s also not about finding or having happiness. Marriage is about 2 WHOLE people learning and bettering each other through a process of holy refinement. A great relationship or marriage is built- it doesn’t magically happen. It starts with two whole people who are ok with themselves.
When you make marriage about finding happiness, it will always elude you.
In contrast, codependent relationships involve one partner or both relying on the other and the relationship to fulfil their sense of self, their feelings of worthiness, and their overall emotional well-being.
If you are unhappy alone- its likely you will be unhappy in a relationship because NOBODY completes you. When you make marriage about finding happiness, it will always elude you.
Desiring marriage is ok- don’t worship it
It is 100% ok to love being single and want to be married. Loving being single, valuing being alone, and loving your life can coincide with trying to date or find someone to spend your life with. These ideas aren’t mutually exclusive. Likewise, don’t worship singleness.
Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst.
John 4:13
The Bible tells us anything that takes place of God is an idol and idolatry begins when you lose sight of Christ. When you focus more on marriage and relationship (or your dislike of marriage) than you do God, it has become an idol.
God designed marriage and loves marriage- we are made for relationship. But, we are made for a relationship with God first and foremost. Nothing compares to the water Christ gives.
Build and deepen your relationship with God
Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him.
Psalms 62:5
God calls us to be anchored in him. He is the foundation and cornerstone of great biblical relationship (the way he created marriage).. The Bible tells us that anything other than Christ as our foundation is sinking sand. In marriage that means each individual must first have God as their strong foundation.
Singleness is a call to deeper, undivided, relationship with Christ.
Above all, the secret to happiness isn’t marriage- its God.
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Are you struggling with finding contentment in being single, processing past relationships, or unsure how to be a good steward of this stage in life? Our licensed therapists can help you process, evaluate and learn from your past. We specialize in providing you the tools necessary to all this and more. Contact us today if you would like more information on scheduling a session.
Sources:
b: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Released in April 2017
c: https://www.ajpmonline.org/article/S0749-3797(17)30016-8/fulltext
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