Date your spouse

The excitement and allure of dating shouldn’t disappear once you’ve sealed the deal with marriage. Not only should the fire and passion stick around, but grow in strength and depth. 

Dating your spouse is an incredibly powerful tool to keep your connection strong and encourage continuous growth. However, for some couples, especially those with kids or stressful work situations, dating takes a back seat. 

We’re here to help prevent that by showcasing simple, effective ways to date your spouse, no matter your situation. Starting with a few quick rules:

Dos and Don’ts of Dating Your Spouse

1. Do have a plan of when and where your dates will take place
2. Do plan at least one date night per month
3. Do the details—dress up and smell your best
4. Do be kind and courteous—hold open doors, pull out their chair, say thank you
5. Do be flirtatious and affectionate—hold hands, touch, look deeply in their eyes, and smile
6. Do have something personal to talk about and say “I love you” with your words and actions
7. Don’t use your phone
8. Don’t look at others and compare
9. Don’t be a boring conversationalist
10. Don’t be afraid of new experiences
11. Don’t be afraid of having fun

With these rules in mind, it’s time to dive into the good stuff: dates

There are a few different types of dates that all serve a different purpose in your relationship. We’re including 4 of those here and how to make them work. For ultimate results, make time for each of them on a regular basis. 

1. Talk Date

Take 15 minutes daily to really connect with your spouse. Tell them about what’s been happening in your life recently and what’s on your mind. Take turns talking and listening to each other. The purpose is to understand and learn about the other person and discover what happens with/in you when you listen.  

2. Fun Date

Establish a date night for just the two of you.  Make a list together of fun activities you both like to do. Take turns being responsible to plan the date using the list of activities you came up with together. Explore new activities together and be willing to adventure. 

3. Romantic Date

Ask your spouse in a more formal fashion on a date. Plan a romantic date at least once a month. Anticipation of the event helps create an atmosphere of romance.

4. Problem Solving Date

Set a specific time aside to talk about one specific problem or decision needing to be made. Take turns expressing your own thoughts and ideas while the other listens.  Summarize and then brainstorm together on possible solutions. Prioritize and choose a possible solution. Practice and follow up on it later. Decide if it gave you the results you wanted—if not, try another idea/solution until finding one that produces the results you both are willing to live with.  

Dating your spouse doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant—although an elegant, romantic date is always fun—as long as you’re putting forth true effort and prioritizing your relationship and connection, you’re sure to see the fire come alive. 

After reading this, we encourage you to head home, hug your spouse nice and tight, and set up a date for the upcoming week. 

Looking for even more advice on strengthening your marriage and creating spark? We’d love to see you and your spouse in our office! There’s nothing worth more than creating and maintaining a strong, loving marriage for life.